The usual Iranian practice goes thus: A stops and gives way; B does the same; A insists and so does B. If A is male and B female, A is likely to apologize and walk on. If both A and B are of the same gender, the more senior in years or status will usually be prevailed upon to walk through first doing so. However, it is also possible for the senior person to insist even more or even physically guide the other person through the door, thereby showing his/her humility. As a foreign visitor you are considered a guest, so Iranians, even those older than you, will give way to you. If you would like to exhibit some good old Iranian manners, you can give way to them too saying shomâ befarmâ’id (after you)—but don’t expect your offer to be accepted.
In Iran when a woman walks with an unrelated male (e.g., a colleague) or a nonintimate (nâmahram) relative, if there is no space for both to walk abreast, she usually prefers to follow rather than walk in front, because many women feel uncomfortable turning their posterior toward a nonintimate male. (see below “Relatives and Strangers”) The male accompanying a female will always offer to give way to her, as she will too, but will probably not insist as much as he would with another male, out of consideration for her comfort.
This discussion is the cornerstone of understanding and engaging with a foreign culture: behaviors are best understood when examined in the context of that culture’s values and worldview. The same behavior analyzed under a different set of values may result in divergent interpretations: polite and considerate, or intrusive and downright rude. However, even the word intrusive means different things to different people.
Take an inter-city train trip, for instance. In the United States and England passengers will scarcely exchange any conversation except, perhaps, for, “Excuse me, would you mind if I take this seat?” and then will take refuge behind a newspaper or book or by putting on headphones. They might as well stick a sign around their neck saying, “Please do not disturb.”
To the gregarious Iranians, such behavior is exceedingly strange: that you would travel for hours next to a stranger and leave the train still not knowing your fellow traveler is almost inconceivable. Iranians, who are used to striking up conversations with strangers, often think that the Americans and English are too cold and aloof, and that you can’t make friends with them. That, however, is because different values and social rules prevail in those societies. The Americans and English value privacy, freedom of action, and freedom from imposition, whereas for Iranians involvement, warmth, and friendliness are more important.
Rental, Tenants and Landlords in Iran
